Act II or would that be III
Mood:  quizzical

I decided I would read other blogs linked from Ramblings of a Redneck Diva since I know she is quite entertaining and thought her friends might be as well.  And they are but "LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT BABIES AND DROOL".  How do all these young moms have time to do this blog thing?  I was remembering when my now - they are grown and didn't end up in prison or pregnant at 14 - kids were toddlers and for the life of me, can't recall how I would have had time to sit at a computer and converse with myself or others.  Now it is true that the closest thing I had to a computer was the electric typewritter I borrowed from my sister (her husband had the good job at the plant remember - my typewriter was a manual with the little ding at the end of each line to remember to do the return with the right hand pinkie. 

I went back to school when my little boy was 2.5 and I was 6 months pregnant with my little girl.  For the first three years of her life, I was doing homework and running to school.  Then I went right to work at the Department of Human Services where we could have health insurance for the first time.  When the hospital asked me to come to work for them, I actually took a small cut in pay to be able to do something I thought would make a difference in people's lifes.  After 25 years there, it seems everthing I did with my life was flushed down the toilet when my career ended at the hospital.  I thought I would work there until I retired, another 12 years.  I counted on the retirement package that was promised me and it is all gone - well not totally, but most.  I feel betrayed.  I gave that hospital my entire adult working life, it wasn't just a job to me but darn it, my life. I think I feel somewhat like I did after the divorce.

I married someone I had known since I was 14 years old.  I thought I would be married to him for the rest of my life.  That we would raise our children together and someday rock our grandbabies.  But he didn't keep up his bargain and after many years of a bad marriage, I got out.  It was the best thing I did in my life.  My only regret was that I did not leave earlier and get my kids out of that before the situation had such an impact on their lives.  In some ways, I regret that I did not leave the hospital ealier on my own accord before I invested so much in a corporation that does not care about it's employees or it's patients.

But I digress - WHERE THE HECK DO THESE YOUNG MOMS FIND THE TIME TO DO ALL THIS BLOGGING.  I can't seem to keep up with it and my life is much slower than it used to be as far as family goes.  Doesn't anyone out there talk about anything other than their baby spit-up or cooking?  Here I sit with my too large dachsaund dog laying at my feet and the only meal will come in from out and consider where my life is and where it has been. 

I am starting my life all over at 50 - family and husband will remain the same. Wonder where the next 50 will take me? I think I might finally be learning that one day at a time thing and stop and smell the roses thing.  I promise to not assume anything will remain the same because when you least expect it, someone shows up with a cardboard box to stuff your life in and move on.  Only the memories and friendships remain.

 

28 years ago today
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Courtney is growing up
Topic: Birthdays

28 years ago today at 6:35 PM at the age of 22, I gave birth to a tiny little baby girl.  She frowned and worried about the world around her and today she still worries about the known and unknown.  I started college in June because her idiot biological father - remember we are divorced, wanted to move back to Miami OK.  I wanted to move back to California.  But nooo, he wanted to come here, but OH how I digress.  I was actually due to deliver on October 10 but gee I had midterms coming up and was worried about being out of school too much.  I found that this average student could actually be a A student and wanted to maintain 4.0 if possible - I graduated with a BS and a 3.89 average three years later.  I went to my doctor in the morning and he said I could come to the hospital after I finished my classes and he would induce.  I went to one class then got to thinking about what if my water broke or something really embarassing like that happened so I skipped my next class and went shoppping instead.  although I will never forget the instructors face when I went up to him after class and asked for my work while I was gone.  He said so you are having a C-section, and I said no I was going in today because I was in labor.  He squeaked out - "Now??"  Well almost.  I went to TG&Y, a store taken out by Wal-Mart and a yard sale first.  About 4:00, I decided it might be time to go to the hospital since I was having more discomfort and she came into the world at 6:35.  I stayed overnight and went home the next morning.  Something just not done back then but I had a little 2.5 year old little boy that had never stayed away from Momma before and I was scared to death for him.  He had stayed with his Aunt Carla and well we just had a different parenting style and I was afraid it just wouldn't be comfortable for either of them. 

She was so tiny, barely 6# and 15.5 inches long.  You could see the blood through her little arms she seemed so thin.  I guess that had to do with being encouraged to arrive rather than coming on her own.  She did not have time to get that fat on.  I remember looking at her and thinking what have I done.  I was not working and her dad made $600. a month. We were living in his grandmother's house and I was going to school.  What if I didn't have the money to feed her or buy the clothes she needed?  What if her brother hated her and I couldn't give them both enough love and attention?  I wonder where she got her worry gene??  My sister's husband had a great job at "the plant" and I was already dressing my little boy in hand me downs from her daughter (Dont tell Benn he wore girl clothes) and could no way provide for my kids as well as she could hers. 

But someway I did.  Both Courtney and Benn are wonderful adults.  Funny and confident and not afraid to try new things.  When I see her manage a roomful of kindergarteners and how much the parents appreciate her calm spirit, I am so proud.  She is my best friend and I enjoy her company.  The pain of childbirth is only a memory - although I still have bragging rights of doing it all natural except for the little help in the water breaking department.  She never brought me any pain or heartache growing up, she was always an easy kid to be around. 

Today is her birthday, my baby I grew up with.  I am so proud.

One week into...
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Job Saga continues

After one week, I have finally met my boss and the foster families I work with.  I think it is going to go well.  Work seems to finally be back on track.

 Getting ready for that NYC trip.  I have never gone to the city that something really out of the ordinary happened.  Last time, I was there my friends and I found two young men who want to move here and go to school.  Hasn't happened yet but they were very nice.  Met them on the subway.  Small town Starlite was afraid they were terrorist but I think not.  HOwever, after talking on the cell with them, I am sure my phones are monitored by George Jr. 

Nothing to ponder today and computer is slow enough to drive me nuts.  So for now - have to get ready for work!

 

So long to leisurely days and late nights
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Becoming a State Employee...Again
Topic: Job Saga continues

After 25 years, I am going back to work for the state Department of Human Services.  I start tomorrow and as silly as it may sound I am a little nervous. And excited.  I know I am going to like the work and I know some of the employees already so it is not like walking into entirely new territory but I am nervous.  Because I am being hired on an emergency basis, I have been able to make arrangements to have the days off I have already made plans, so I get to keep my ticket to NYC.  I plan to keep my part time job as well, that is my "fun" money. 

Small Town starlite and I are going to NYC on her fall break which is Oct 19-22.  We are leaving on the evening of the 18th so will have to take the afternoon off.  We are taking my 8 year old niece.  We will have a blast.  Her parents said she could go if I will take her to some museums and make it educational since she will be missing 3 days of school.  I took her when she was 5 but her dad went with us then and she was really too young.  She did enjoy Beauty and the Beast on Broadway and the giant Toys R Us but I think the rest of it just went over her head so this time she will learn more from it.  I plan on taking her to MOMA, the museum of modern art, that recently reopened in Manhatten and to Ground Zero as well as Central Park and other places she will see on TV and hear about in the news.  I would like to bike the burroughs but in spite of my nagging, niece has still not learned to ride a bike.  I am looking forward to the trip but one bad thing is the time of the flights.  We won't get into NY until about 12 AM and have to leave on Sunday at 6 AM.  So I am taking her a blanket and pillow and telling her she needs to sleep every opportunity she gets.  We will probably go to the airport about midnight on Sunday and stay the night in the airport because I have missed a flight before when car service didn't work out on early am flights.  She can sleep while we are waiting around.  It has been a year since I went to the city and a couple of years for Courtney so I know she is excited.  We plan on getting some shopping done on Canel street so if you want one of those high dollar purses for knock off prices...let me know.

 Best get to bed, real work startes tomorrow

And I work where???
Now Playing: And the job saga continues

My last blog said something about summers off and looking forward to a new great job, well, NOT.  I did take the this is perfect job, only to find that the job was great but the administration was not.  We had a totally different mindset of how to manage.  Basically, I like to treat grownups like adults and they like to treat them like pimply 16 year olds who work for McDonalds.  I truely did not understand when a teacher asked me if she could go to her car for something.  Now this is when no children were present and her car is basically outside the school door but she thought she needed permission.  Should have been a clue. It wasn't long before I saw my management style and this style didn't click so before the ol' contract was signed I suggested the administration find someone who wants to treat professionals like school kids and I was out.  By By summers off - but I get to keep my integrity.  I may not ever manage again, if that is the new way of treating people, because I just can't do that.  The time I was at this school, the staff and I worked well together but the administration spy was just too difficult to deal with. 

 So here I am unemployed again.  Guess it is time for a trip.  I think I will go to New York this time.  So far since loosing my job, I have been to Florida twice and Vegas once.  Time to go again, before I get trapped in a job again.

I did get a call from the State Department of Human Services, thats the welfare office here in OK, and they want me to come to work for them in Child Welfare.  It doesn't include the investigating part, so no baby snatching for me, but more the foster care side.  I went to OK City and took the test, I did miss 2 so hope that doesn't keep me out of the running.  I just need to say when I can start.  You know as old as I am that state retirement sounds pretty good. 

Nothing exciting in Granny land, except I pick up my nephew's girlfriend's little boy today and take him shopping and to play  for a couple of hours before he goes to my nieces house to spend the night. He is a real cutie.  He is four and I have never kept him so I hope he has a good time.  I thought a couple of hours the first time will work.  I plan on taking him to Wally world so he can find something he really wants and we might find our way to the park to play.  Then Mr. Granny and I will take him to Joplin where he will spend the night with my little niece and nephew who are 7 and 4.  They will have a big time slumber party while their parents go to some concert in Kansas City. 

Planning a big trip to NYC over fall break.  Small town Starlit is going and my horse friend and past co-worker is going to meet us when she finishes a conference there.  Then we can see a play, shop on canel street and bike the burroughs before flying home together.  We will go out on Wednesday evening and get back on Sunday night.  Fast trip.  Hope our trip doesn't coincide with someone's attempt to get on the news with airplanes or anything. 

Until next time.

My life is so boring, once every few months is enough.

After all, I am still wishing for those grandbabies.

Life changes
Mood:  happy
Topic: Boy does it EVER

It seems like it has been a life time since I have blogged and considering the changes, it has been a life change.  I wanted to do something dramatic to celebrate my 50th birthday, yep, that's 1/2 a century, but being RIF'd (thats "Reduction in Force" in caring corporate speak), getting a new job and learning to say the "F" word, was not exactly what I had in mind. I really just wanted to raft the Grand Canyon or jump out of one of them there planes but starting over at 50 was not on the top of my list, but it is now.  Since I last blogged, I was one of the fortunate ones that was called into the corporate office and handed my brown cardboard box and told to box up my office, turn in my keys and cell phone, and it was nice knowing you for the last 25 years.  And by the way we are doing you a favor with this great severance package, that you are not allowed to discuss or sue us, or we will take every penny back, severance package...I wonder if blogging falls into that contract with the devil?, and have a nice life!  I was given the news, an escorted walk to my office of 25 years and "help" to pack my few belongings.  With all the kindness a corporation can muster I was walked to my car and they even had a lowly secretary carry a box.  Oh did I say, this was during hospital week, that one time of the year that this hospital corporations celebrates it's "CareMore Spirit"...their words for the way they treat employees, not mine. 

Anyway, if I sound a little bitter...I am.  There are a few people I am going to live to be a hundred just so I can piss on their graves and a few of them work at this corporation. At least they do today, tomorrow they may get their box and that charming severance package with the do not sue clause. 

 But life goes on,  I must say I truely grieved for oh about 2-3 hours then Eurika!!! No more do I have to be cussed at, called names, or be at their beckon call 24/7.  So after a few weeks of being a lady of leisure and a couple of vacations, I took a job that promised me summers off and all the school holidays.  I see beaches and Broadway Shows calling me.  So now I can enjoy the second half of my life which I vow will be family centered, fun centered and at half the cost.

And I plan on blogging my journey from Hell to Heaven...not literally, I a did leave Hell but am not quite ready for Heaven, but you know what I mean.

 Until next time.

 

Where has the time gone?
Mood:  don't ask
I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged. Guess it is not the most important thing in my life. Or maybe it is, if so that means nothing is very important.
My last entry I told all of you how I was going to loose all this weight - and I did a great job until the candy holidays hit...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, birthdays and next is Easter. So much for weight loss. I guess I need to look in to exercise. Remember calories in calories out. I have the in thing going just fine, but calories out isn't working. They are just laying around the middle and falling on my butt.

I am thinking about exercising thought, don't know if that counts. FreeWheel in coming up in June and if I plan on riding that I have to either get in shape or loose some weight. It starts in Hugo this year and ends in Baxter Springs so if I am going to do it I have to make sure I am still simi alive when we get to this area so I don't entirely embarass myself. I know that dazed dying look could scare some of my friends and family who don't realize that is what I always look like when I am riding a bike across Oklahoma.

I am going to go on a train ride this Saturday. I can only hope it is better than my last train ride. See several years ago, I got it in my head that it would be fun to take as many of my family members as I could to New York City. So I booked everyone's flight on this really great airline that was very friendly and really cheap. What I didn't know was that the day before we (all seven of us) were to come home, the airline went bankrupt. Yep, kaboom, no flight home for you and the ol' gang. So the only way I could think to get us home was Amtrac. 36 hours on a train with someone's uncontrolled 5 year old. Little Willie was running up and down the asle, flipping over the seats and having a ball, while his parents slept. After all it was a 36 hour train ride. They didn't want to watch the heathen. We thought we had gotten rid of little willie in Chicago but nooo, he climbed right on the same train we were changing to. I think this ride will be somewhat better. I hear Little Willies are banned from all trains.

Just trying to catch up in the blog world but sleepy fairies are trying to put granny glenn down for the night. Sleep tight.

thirty...count 'em thirty pounds
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: It's gotta happen - they just gotta go
I have gained thrirty pounds since I got married. I am 362 days away from being 50 years old.
I have to find something really outlandish to do for my summer vacation the year I turn 50...

But first I have to loose this thirty pounds!!

I can't quit eating, I have tried that and it just wasn't any fun. I joined Curves and Mr. says it doesn't work unless I actually go. I had needles put in my stomach to melt the fat away (three inches gone) but the fat is still there.

So I decided next summer I want to ride my bike 100 miles in one day. Yep, one day, not the two that it takes me to ride that far now, but in one day and get into camp before dark and not have to go to the hospital with another heat stroke. So in order to do that, I think I will need to do the actual training required. I have avoided that t word for several years of bike riding and have now concluded that that is the secret behind those skinny asses who pass me on the hills. So I am going to ride, several times a week.

I rode 8 miles Sunday, 6 Miles Saturday and 12 last Thursday. I didn't get to ride today, had the fancy 4-H banquet to attend. But I am going to do it. I will ride everyday I get home before dark and 12-15 miles on Thursdays. Those are the hardest because I ride with a group in Joplin and they know where all the hills are. Up hills suck and down hills rock. It's just a fact of life.

So I am hoping that this big T (training) will melt those pesky pounds away. I have found a new bike I like, a recumbant, ya know one of those you lay back on with a nice back rest. However, I found out that it uses a different set of muscles to peddle, the old butt muscles. At this point in my life I would not be able to peddle down the drive way. The old butt fell to my knees quite some time ago.

So that is what I have been up to. If you see me passing, just honk, that always makes me forget I am clipped to my peddles and sets me on my rear on the side of the road. Keeps me alert.

Life does get better
Mood:  happy
I have an office...I have an office...I have an office. I am so excited I can't sleep. It is the very one that I homesteaded. One of the doctors told me to go ahead and move into it, it was empty. He said it would take three years for administration to find me. After my little whiny mood last week, my boss just gave it to me. Now my whole department can be back together. We can have hot tea at the table again while we work and I actually have a computer again. No phone yet, but I am not complaining. Moved today and will finish up next week. Things are back to normal and I have an office. It is just great.

I never have exciting things in my life to tell. Lets see. Mr. emptied the hot tub and refilled it. This has to be done every three months and we are religious about it. It just gets overloaded with chemicals if it isn't empties.

I have been paying the casino mob but have won some. Tuesday night I won 400.00 and Wednesday night I won 935.00. Tonight I won 350.00. Has been a good gambling week, next week will suck. That's usually how it goes. Paying off some bills and split with Mr.

Courtney called me tonight to tell me Target has kids bedroom sets with Jeeps on them, just in case the granny in me kicks in and I feel I need to buy for that future grandbaby. Chad even said they would have a kid if I would buy it. Of course I said it's a deal but Courtney quickly backed out of his rational plan. She seems to think I am hording too much baseball stuff for Keith's future baby. I told her this Jeep stuff would dry rot before I could put it on a bed for my grandbabies. Guess I will have to check it out.

I had accupuncture. This lady really did stick needles in me. Did it help? Don't know what she was trying to help but I can't tell any difference. Maybe if I had been hurting she could have made it quit but it was kinda cool to have needles sticking out all over me.

Did I mention the time? It is 321 AM and I told my mom and my sister that I would clog dance with them in an performance at 10 am. So I am thinking I might want to go to be. But I am just too excited because...

I

Have

An

OFICE.

YEA! ! !

Work Sucks
Mood:  don't ask
I have worked at the hospital for almost 25 years and some days it just sucks. Most of the time I love my job but not the past few weeks. It will pass in time and things are some what better already but I am getting anxious for things to get better.
To start with I "volunteered" to work another persons job for the past 5 months which included working in the psych unit. Now I have a hard time understanding how someone can can be called delusional when that they can tell by my purple aura that I am very smart. But those friends are gone, because the hospital closed the unit. Which except for the loss of the employees, I find a relief. I am sick of working with the self-proclaimed god (notice little "g") of the mental health world. This man is the director of the five county mental health center and early in my 5 months of "volunteerism" we butted heads. And well he is just an ?#@%&^ hole. He looked for every way possible to cause me trouble. It just got stupid. He would complain about how I faxed something. Well yesterday I got an e-mail from the one secretary in Bartlesville that they always had contact me asking for paperwork on a patient. They usually called a few hours after discharge wanting the paper work right then so this has been over a week. I didn't remember the patient but had been on vacation a couple of weeks in June so thought the patient was there during that time. Could not find any information - well guess what -- they had the wrong hospital. Just one more way he took up my time and caused me more work. I thought I was done with that organization July 1st. I just hope this is the last contact from that agency.

Back to my job sucking. Ten months ago, they moved our office - there are three of us in the office to a room on 2nd floor. Five months ago, they moved us all over the place with me on 4th floor, in a locked unit. Two weeks ago, they called me and said, "can you use another comuter in the hospital for a few days?" Being all cooperative and everything I said, "Sure". It has now going on three weeks and it is not only no computer but no phone, so if you call my office phone the message is going into a big black hole and will not be answered any time in this century.

Today I had to drive to OK City, three hours away, to count ballets. That's right, I drove six hours total to count pieces of paper that could have been done by anyone who can count to 100. So much for my day. But I did stop at Cracker Barrel and they were having one of those great porch sales. I bought about 15 audio books for $3 each. I can mow the lawn now. And maybe it will motivate me to ride my bike in this heat so I can listen to another chapter.

Courtney's grade school friend had her baby last Wednesday. I went up and held him. She wouldn't give him to me though. Last weekend, Courtney was told she might have a kidney stone. It was really painful for her. Having heard that passing a kidney stone is a lot like labor, she told Chad that he would have to name it and frame it because if this is like labor, that is all he is getting. Since she was only full of poop, I guess her first born will be poophead. So much for my grandbaby dreams.

Did get to hold that little grandaughter that lives in Austin. See we finally got one of those grandbabies six years ago and her Indian Giver parents took her down to Austin when she was just a few months old and only bring her around a couple of times a year. They are talking about moving this direction some day. Empty promises.

I found perfect presents for Chad and Keith when they finally become Dads. Hope the present doesn't dry rot before then.

Mr. just came in. He has been out with the Sheriff as they track down bad guys, or at least talk about it. So I think the casino is calling. Time for my donation to the Casino Mob. If I don't go give them money periodially they might come break my bones.

Till next time.
Pray for grandbabies (and a real office)